Sleeping Beauties

Also- Just posted a new video on my facebook :) Check it out!

When I dove into Christianity, I learned that Jesus was important. It may sound like an understatement, and it is, but I was working off the basics, trying to get the gist of it all. As I started unpacking what my title of “Christian” meant, I got to know the character of Jesus. Since that point, you could say that things have changed a bit in my character, because of my knowledge of His. There is an earth shaking, eye-opening, hold-your-breath-then-gasp experience that took place when I realized that I had been communing with the God who is fully Man, and the Man who is fully God. I was hit with the reality that I didn’t have to use fancy words, but at the same time, I needed to take a second to acknowledge who it was that I was talking to throughout my day. The more I learned, the more intrigued I was.

I used to wear a necklace that was a Fender guitar pick, and I loved it so much. Engraved under the famous “Fender” print was an addition to the picks’ message; it said, “I love Jesus.” Again, understatement. In observing my walk with the Lord and walk through life, I have learned that about every month or few weeks, I am hit with a reality that opens my eyes to Jesus. Whether it is His love, His epic message, His strength and courage of dying in my place, or a new mystery that He uncovers and then leaves within my reach, I fall for Him, more and more.

As I spill this next blurb, my insides are giggly at my vulnerability to share this particular ideology of my life. However, it is not from embarrassment that my butterflies stem from. It is from an excitement to share the lesson I learned and how it all fits together.

So, for years I have thought that the best example of experiencing the love of God is in romantic relationships. I have seen Christ in friendship in my life most, and those experiences have illustrated a huge concept of what His love looks like. With that said, thinking about a different kind of relationship topping my experience thus far, that is a pretty exciting thought, yeah? As Jesus put it, the church is His bride, and we are the church. He outlined that marriage is the closest we will come to knowing His love for us (and then I said “Even more than friendship?!”.. yep!). Naturally, I have been excited about this minor detail, you know, getting to experience God through romance and marriage, and thus looked forward to the season in my life where I see, feel, and experience the love of Christ through another person. Please know that the description that you just heard was a very logical version of the excitement that usually squeals out of girls when they talk about marriage. Point being, I have been excited for something that I thought would not happen in a large extent until marriage, and “that something” being the depth of love. Well, my friends, that something came and hit me smack dab in the face today. Listen. To. This.

Today we got to go to the girls’ church with them. We met in front of their dorm at 9AM and all 53 of us piled into three pickup trucks. (If you are a real seat-belt stickler, don’t do the math). After church we went out to eat, celebrating Sarah’s (one of my fellow interns) father’s birthday (good luck tracing that one.) Following a HUGE lunch and watching the girls giggle and gorge themselves with having the CHOICE of what they wanted to eat and how much, we all packed back into the trucks. I called one of the sweet girls to sit on my lap as we made our way home, and that my friends, that is where it happened. She climbed up and clapped my hands with her own for a few minutes, and without me even knowing what was coming my way, put her head on my shoulder and drifted into a magical seven year old dream land. When I felt that she was sleeping, I tried so hard not to move and to absorb the bumps on the road, so that it wouldn’t wake her as she slept. I wanted so badly for her to be comfortable, and something inside of me was melting as I watched her sleep. I relaxed as the truck continued its journey, and just held her. The more she sunk into me, the more my heart sunk, finally settling in a deep puddle of the sappy and abundant love that I have for this girl. Before she even awoke I was writing a full analysis in my head of if this is how much I love a little girl, who isn’t even mine, then how much more does my mom love me. And if my mom loves me more than I love this girl, which seemed impossible at the moment, then SOMEHOW, God loved me and my mom, and this little tiny child, even more that all that love combined. It began to blur, trying to capture how vast and abundant His love is. When she woke up I felt like I had just been let into a sacred and precious secret. I looked at her and she swung her little pigtails and hobbled out of the truck. And that was it. Similar to what I have pictured a marriage/ God like love to feel like, I felt. Somehow, I got to skip the steps of romance, of marriage, of pregnancy and childbirth, and there I was, standing in the most brilliant rain of love, heavy with nothing else but joy, and a new understanding.

Times like this affirm that God has me right where He wants me. It puts rest to any striving that I have, wanting to dive into what the future holds. In the quiet of her small body sleeping, His whispers surface with a gentle “Be still” straight into my soul. I feel full today. I feel like the younger sister that got let into a secret that I can be trusted with. I feel loved, and I recognize, today, that God. Loves. Me.