A blurb from updating my family

It's hard to capture the last few days without pictures or actually sitting there telling the story, hand motions and all. So, I wrote to my family, attempting to give a good update, and I thought I would share what I wrote to them. As always, I'm an honest writer. If you are offended by anything in the post, my apologies. I think details are important :)

" So my team and I just got back from the jungle yesterday night. We spent five days four nights in villages and backpacked from one village to the next. It was the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen, and I have lived in Colorado for 16 years, if that says anything. I am realizing that my words are not very beautiful right now, kind of chunky. We have joked around about how we are all losing our English and not gaining Thai in return, but seriously, I am losing my English, so bare with me :) Being in the jungle was the most extreme thing I have ever done. It was difficult. I watched bugs bite me at an incredible rate, a pace I couldn't keep up with in my attempt to smack them off. My team members and I walked through grasses that towered over our heads. I listened to the sounds of their "ouches" and profanities as thorns caught our skin. We pottied in little holes and I used my proactive the whole five days, getting water from horse troughs and buckets. It was gritty. We were warned that coming to Thailand would strip us of our comforts. Eh, yeah, you could say the last two months I have been stripped. The last five days has been like peeling potatoes, me being the potato. I have gotten to such a raw point of who I am, what I stand for, what is really important. I was standing in the thickest jungle I had ever seen, watching the bugs stick their little needle noses in me and holding my shoulders thinking to myself, "I have never in my life felt so white, or so uncomfortable." That was the low point of trekking. The high point was recognizing that I was uncomfortable beyond belief, and from that point on, having my eyes wide open. I learned so much in that jungle. I love being outdoors. I love silence. I love praying. I learned that I have arrogance in the things that I think that I know, and that I actually know a whole lot less than I think. I learned that I am a product of my country, a beautiful country, but a country that preaches tolerance and arrogance to all. But, the moment that I realized that I was and am helpless was the moment that I learned that I am dependent like no other on God, on community, and that I have no leg to stand on in judgement of others. I learned the beauty in living in a village with only 5 families making up the whole population of the village. I learned the value of connecting with people, even if it takes me being uncomfortable and laying down my pride, it was so worth it. I learned that family is even more important than I thought. That hugs can ease a shaky heart. That the story of Jesus digs so much further than a free ticket into heaven or the convenience of a good church reputation. Someone threw out the question of "if believing in Jesus meant you would go to hell, would you still believe in Him? Would you still recognize belief in Him and confess it even if you knew that it would land you in hell?" And frick, that's a tough question. I believe now that I would. Pondering that question was hard, and when I was honest, it was really hard, but at this point, I think my answer would still be "Hell yeah God, I love you with everything. I don't care what that means or what the consequence is, you're it." And Dad, no, I won't be doing stupid stuff because of my belief :) God also gave an instruction manual that encourages wisdom. But yeah, as for an update, this place has stripped me. And that sounds so terrible if the only goal I was running after was comfort, but I am going for the complete opposite really, I want God. I want to learn. I want to explore. I want to be realistic about the world around me and not live with my eyes sewed shut. And that is exactly what is going on. And I couldn't be more thankful. I am thankful more than I can express for your prayers guys, they are so important. This trip as a whole is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I have never felt such deep appreciation for friendship, for words from the Lord, for creation or coffee or toilets with toilet seats and a flusher. Thank you for your love. Thanks for caring and for being and for loving God in the way that you do. Thanks for being an inspiration to me. For reminding me that Jesus walks the grounds of America too, no matter how much people insist on walking around with their eyes closed and their noses high. No matter how much people are a product of their culture, (I am so guilty of this), people have hearts and are so broken, and just freaking need some lovin'. Thank you for showing me that lovin' and even if you don't agree, nodding and supporting me. I recognize that I am a passionate 20 year old speaking with a very malfunctioning filter, and your love for me despite that is appreciated :) I guess it is hard to pinpoint one thing that I have learned, besides that it is important that we love people. It is valuable for me to actually choose God, even when it is not convenient. Trekking through the jungle is insane, and I miss you. That's what I have learned. If you are reading this, gol I miss you. Thank you again. I apologize again for my struggle with English."

I think that is the best update I have for now. I will post again soon :)

Literally just got back on to edit because my grammar was so bad. Ha