Wise words of the Everly Brothers, "Dream dream dream..."

Dream Dream Dream.

Sarah and I were eating toast this morning in the guesthouse and analyzing the world. Something new for the two of us. I started out asked her what she was feeling. We have to ask these questions frequently right now, being overseas and in a completely new place, it’s just healthy. So, she was unpacking this question a little something like this,

“You know, I just feel like a five year old in awe of the world around me. I can’t read the street signs, the only way I can communicate is to smile, there is a monkey in the wall next to us, and really, I’m just in awe.”

The lights flickered again, making their 2-minute rounds and holding to their routine as she was speaking. Right as she was finishing, the wall monkey started his screaming and I ran over to the wall with a water bottle, hitting the place that I thought he was sitting. I went back and sat down and we just laughed. It is so blatantly clear that we are in Thailand. None of our many talks have ever had this twist to them in the past.

Our talk continued forward into what was brewing in me. So, little background knowledge, one of the big purposes of this trip is to be silent, internationally, and listen for what God will speak over our lives in regards to how we should live them, and what we should do. I have had the plan for about eight months to go to cosmetology school next July, so I didn’t really come seeking direction, career wise anyways. WELL, yesterday, Matt was talking about the many requirements that the government holds for child homes to be considered official orphanages. One of them was to have an on staff psychologist. This seriously shocked me. SHOCKED ME. I told Matt that my Associates degree that I am getting soon will be in psychology, because we kind of get to pick what our focus is that will be written on the degree, and I LOVE psychology, and that I could be the psychologist for the orphanage.

Now if you don’t already know this, I am a dreamer, and a joker. I love psychology, so the dreaming side of me would love to be a counselor. However, the rational side of me knows that I despise being in school, and I just could not make it for another 8 years to get my Masters or Doctorates. I picked cosmetology school because it was 13 months, a good skill to have, and I could make people feel beautiful, and do some psych work in my chair.

Back to the conversation with Matt, I told him if he needed me to hop over and be their psychologist that I was their girl. He asked about the degree and such and then said that education was hard to come by in Thailand, and that an American Associates degree would probably do it.

This is insanity to me. Not that I am planning to move here full time for the rest of my life and be the orphanage psychologist, but just that it is even possible. I don’t have a whole lot more to say about that, because it is just fresh. It’s fun to dream.. and as a dreamer that follows God, it is always fun to realize that God dreams bigger than I do.

Sarah and I are going to get ready for church and go to the market with Laura tonight. We love being here and walking through the awkward and uncomfortable transition filled days. Thank you for surrounding us with your prayers, and thanks for reading.

J

ASIAN.

ASIAN.

When I was in about 7^th grade, I made a best friend. We played in band together and just got along phenomenally. After about a year, maybe a year and a half, he asked me if I had any Asian in my blood. I don’t think I knew at that point, but I was a little shocked and pretty sure that the answer was no. I told my good buddy a few days later, after checking with my parents, that no, David Gillie, I was not Asian. It was then that the joke began.

Being called Asian was never something I had a hard time with to any serious degree. I would fight it and giggle about it and fight it some more. My senior year in high school, my entire friend group, which was pretty mighty after going to school with the same 200 people for 12 years, thought it was hilarious to make Asian jokes.

I went to Brazil in 2008 fresh after graduation for a mission trip. We had a great time and it was my first mission. We got to finish a church building, brick and all, do a sports camp with beautiful Brazilian babies, and experience Brazil. One day during the construction of the church, the village kids and myself were playing a lovely game of charades, attempting to communicate when a little boy took his two index fingers and pulled the skin around his eyes, and then pointed at me. I tried to pretend that that didn’t really just happen, and maybe it was just a meaningless gesture, but he continued to get his question across asking if I was Asian. It was so funny, I look the little boy around to all of my buddies who knew the joke and made him repeat what he had done. I couldn’t wait to get back and tell all of my punk friends that they weren’t the only one that thought I was Asian.

Fast forward two years and hop from South America to Southern Asia, and here I am. Today was Sarah and I’s first day at the orphanage and let me say, this place is beautiful. There is work to be done and girls to be loved, and within the first two hours we each had girls in our arms speaking Thai-lish (English+ Thai) They are eager to learn and make new friends and they all giggle and hide their faces when they first meet us.

As we were being introduced to the first 4 girls and one of the property staff, through the translation they managed to get across that they thought “.. one of my ancestors may be Thai, or Chinese.. Asian in your blood?..”

OH

MY

GOODNESS

So, the joke continues. David Gillie, what started in seventh grade is, no joke, going international. And if you’re curious,

I’m German.

Love- Kelli

Fierce.

Fierce.

So, having my sister fly in the night before I left to hang out with me, waking up at 3:45 with my entire family to say good-bye, having an incredibly close girl friend drive me to the airport, and another meet me there to send me off, I am understanding why I am so in love with where my roots are. The relationships held there can only be described with one word, and that word is “fierce.”

My good buddy Andrew and I have come to call my heart break in leaving people as “separation anxiety,” which I don’t think it is quite as severe as the literal definition, but nonetheless, I do have an issue with releasing my white knuckled grip on the people I hold dear, and surrendering them into the care of Jesus.

That is what I felt this morning. It was a forced release. Like when a child will not let go of their brother’s toy, and the brother ends up ripping the toy back. I feel like all of the relationships that I hold dear were just ripped back. I realize it sounds a little bit dramatic, but I could go all out and reference the separation anxiety.

I sat in the living room of the Parkers about six months ago and listening to Laura talk about how she felt like the disciples when Jesus called them after there nets were bursting at the seams. She had a firm, incredible community, a church, and a home. She had a full net, and that is when she was called. I remember sympathizing with her, thinking about how awful it would be to leave at such a time.. I feel like I understand now.

When I came back from Denver, Fort Collins, Brazil, and then Florida last summer, finally settling back in at home, I felt like I was a dried up sponge, searching for the moisture and comfort of having roots, having community, having the sense of belonging. Just over a year later, I am looking back on my time, especially the last summer, as rich and full. Going back to the sponge image, I went from hard and dry to dripping and heavy, in all the positive connotations possible.

With that said, leaving a fierce, rich and full community, with deeply laden roots and an amazing family to boot, leaving them this morning was more of a ripping steal than a graceful release.

I have to mention this; that the sun JUST NOW went down. I have not seen natural darkness since we drove to the airport. We have literally been chasing the sunlight for 24 hours. As the sun goes down here in Korea, I am reminded that the sting of the rip will also be put to rest, that my fears and unbearable excitement will be burritoed in bed, that the amazing experience of whale sized planes and body provoking head bobbing; these things will be put to rest. As I learn to surrender, exercise my faith, I trust that my Lord will speak in the darkness of rest, and escape from chaos.

Thank you for your prayers for Sarah and I’s travels. We are about 3.5 hours from Thailand, and our hearts are smiling as our exhausted eyes and dirty hair mingle. Continue to pray, please, and practice with me this difficult exercise of surrender.