Monday, June 22, 2009
An understanding that surpasses our own
We hope this update finds you filled with the grace, love, and peace that can only be found in Christ Jesus. Your prayers are cherished and something we have found to be an incredible source of strength during this journey. Thank you again and again for lifting us up in prayer. Like Kelli talked about in our last posting God has reshaped our hearts in many ways, however it has not been easy. In preparation for this trip we believed we would have an intense, service-packed two months ahead of us and we were very excited about this. We came wanting to give %100 of ourselves in any way we could in hopes of loving, representing, and making Christ known to people of all ages in Brazil. From the very beginning our trip looked a lot different than we anticipated but we continued to trust that the Lord was in control and was doing a work in us whether we realized it or not. From the get go our trip “pace” was very slow. We understood that as a full-time missionary family, or any family for that matter, they would have a variety of responsibilities that must be taken care of. We were ready to work with and around this families schedule to be seeking, chasing after, and of course serving the Lord with intensity and perseverance. Our hearts came to Brazil pounding to give everything we had to Jesus, whether it looked like playing with children, scrubbing floors, helping with construction, cooking for others, cleaning, holding babies at the orphanage, singing, dancing, sharing our life-stories, ministering to others, or just spending time loving other people all in the name of the Lord. Whatever it was and whatever service to Jesus looked like, we were ready, with willing hearts. The few times we were at the orphanage was incredible, here we were confident in our purpose and we knew the Lord was working through us to bring joy and laughter to parentless children. We were honored to be used by Jesus in this way, as we believe that orphans have a special place in God’s heart. Spending time with these beautiful children was something neither of us will ever forget. Our 3 day trip to the countryside, where Challenge Ministries focuses their efforts, was an amazing trip as well. Three members of a Christian theater group journeyed with us and performed magic tricks, circus acts, and little skits in every village we visited. They shared Christ’s message of hope in creative ways through all there different performances. It was neat seeing the way that this theater group evangelizes, and it really opened our eyes to an interesting faucet of what living life for Christ looks like. We learned the meaning of taking your gifts, talents, and desires and giving them to the Lord in service because he can and will use everything you give for his glory. Service to God is marked by a life surrendered to him in complete obedience. It is marked by a life that gives everything to the Lord. God gives us certain gifts and talents and things we enjoy doing so that we can use those for his name’s sake. It was encouraging being with this group and coming to the realization that whether we are singing, dancing, acting, doing magic tricks, playing sports, cooking, or working full-time if it is done for the Lord, it is service to the Lord. However, this trip to the country side was also a challenge as we sat back and watched everything going on and questioned what we should be doing to serve and love. We questioned if much would have changed if we weren’t there. This was not a comfortable thing to be feeling but we pushed on, eyes fixed on Jesus, trusting he must be using us somehow.
As our time in Brazil progressed we continued questioning what our purpose was in that the majority of our days there were not marked with service. Our few trips to the orphanage were something we clung to and when we were there our hearts thrived on giving, loving, being with, serving, and sharing Jesus. We came to the Lord in prayer about our purpose in Brazil and we continued to wrestle with the Lord asking him why service was hiding from its seekers. We sought the council of others as well, and the common response was “why don’t you talk to Marconi about this and your desire to be doing more work.” We took the advice after seeing we had no missionary endeavors planned on the calendar for the next two weeks. The many days that passed void of activity or service in conjunction with the lack of planned events ahead concerned us greatly. We had come to serve and we felt like we were not doing that. We asked Marconi, if we could spend maybe a week or longer serving at the orphanage, knowing full well we had deep purpose when serving at this facility. The answer was a brief “maybe” and no further steps were taking to see if this was a possibility. Even though we were finding ourselves not doing much the Lord was moving in our hearts and continuing to grow in us a desire to serve as an act of love and love as an act of service. We also asked if it would be possible to spend a few weeks in Carnauba, the city we built the church in last summer. We thought it would be neat to see and spend time with the people we ministered to a year ago, and serve them again in any way we could. We were told they did not feel comfortable with us being there without them so we moved on hoping some other opportunities for us to serve would arise.
Growing discontent in lack of service was a tuff situation to be in and after many attempts at communicating our hearts desire to serve and not getting anywhere we were honestly very frustrated. We continued to pray about this and what the Lord was teaching us. He was teaching us SO much, he was reshaping our hearts and growing in us a desire to have lives marked with service. Not just a couple months in Brazil but entire lives trade marked with this quality. God was also revealing to us the importance of Love, as simple as it is, we were really rocked with the truth that love must cover all that we do because God is love and this is his 1st and greatest commandment. We came knowing full-well that a challenge that would be there was the language barrier. We were ready to work around this and to our best to learn as much Portuguese as we could. We were very thankful that the missionary family spoke English as well. They were excited to teach us there language and we were excited to learn as much as we could in the time we were there. This was something that was very comical in our attempts to hold conversations with those who knew absolutely no English. We were so happy to be learning Portuguese because we believed it would be more powerful to speak directly to others than through one of the family members translating. However, during this learning process it was very difficult to never be able to understand what was going on. We found it especially hard to never understand a church sermon or Bible study. We were told that weren’t going to be translated for or have things translated to us because in the mist of this we would learn the language. Of course this was a goal of ours but was not our 1st priority. Our first priority was to serve the Lord with this missionary family. We found life and growth in daily reading our bibles and praying together. We also trust that the Lord’s spirit was teaching us many things, however we are confident in the importance of community, mentorship, being taught and “spiritual fed” by those who are our spiritual elders. This was an issue considering sermons were in Portuguese. To us these sermons were nothing but noises. Marconi told us he wanted to do a bible study with us in English and this more than great news to us, it was something we were starving for. About 3 weeks into our stay we did our 1st meeting and we greatly appreciated the community and being taught. This was honestly the only time we knew what was going on and besides this bible study our communication was reduced to saying hi, asking someone’s name, and how there were doing. We wanted to share our hearts, our stories, and the message of Jesus even if it required the family to translate. We never knew what we were doing moment to moment because all conversations were in Portuguese. We followed mere signals as to what to do and where to go all the time. One time Marconi asked us if we rather do our 2nd bible study or a Portuguese lesson and after Kelli quite boldly said that she would rather learn about God, we still did a Portuguese lesson instead and never did do the 2nd bible study. We started to feel like Portuguese was a bigger goal than what we came to do which was to serve, share, and love. Like we said before we do feel like there is so much power in being able to share with people directly instead of through a translator but throughout the learning period we didn’t want to shift focus from what was most important: God. As we felt communication was a problem even with the family that spoke English and of course a difficulty with others we began to feel unnecessarily trapped in a language barrier as weren’t getting much help. We felt like Portuguese took the front seat instead of serving, sharing, and hearing about God. This forced silence and inability to share our hearts was a burying feeling. After praying about this and the way we were feeling we thought it best to just talk with Marconi and clear things up. We tried to communicate with him that, of course we wanted to learn, but more than anything we wanted to serve and we felt trapped when we weren’t ever able to share our hearts through them, our translators as we did last summer. Nothing seemed to change from this point forward. We felt disrespected and like we weren’t important enough to ever be told what was going on, rather we were to just follow signals. Everywhere we went we just sat in silence as conversations progressed and nobody took time to fill us in. We felt useless and we were questioning our purpose again.
In conjunction with the lack of opportunities to serve, spiritual not being fed into, an inability to effectively communicate with even the English speaking family we were staying with, feeling that Portuguese became a bigger goal than Jesus, and feeling trapped in a language barrier we began to desperately call on the Lord as to what we were supposed to do. We felt like talking with Marconi and explaining things would be the best option but every attempt at sharing our heart previously failed and the conversations ended up concluding on some random topic having nothing to do with what we came to talk about. We felt like there was some kind of underlying tension with Marconi as well, as numerous bus-rides or walks home were in complete silence. This was such an uncomfortable feeling to be in the middle of, so we found it necessary to ask him what was going on. We asked if we had done anything to offend him or anybody and we asked why we felt this tension. The answer we received was “you guys have doing nothing wrong and if you had we would come to you right away, don’t worry about anything.” This was great to hear that nothing had been done wrong but after this conversation the tension was still there, we found ourselves again feeling trapped and stuck. Communicating to Marconi was such a challenge, we felt disrespected, always in the mist of tension for reasons unknown to us, and our hearts were losing steam. It was burying and the lack of healthy communication with those we were staying with, in conjunction with this strange tension all while being in a foreign country started to get to us. Our hearts were losing steam and we prayed God would show us what we were supposed to do. We came before the Lord with hearts surrendered and desperate, willing to do whatever he called us to do, whether we were to stay or go. Sure enough the Lord answered our prayers. He spoke it clearly to us that our work there was done, he taught us what he needed and wanted to, and it was time for us to take our changed lives and reshaped hearts to serve him elsewhere.
We are thankful the Lord understands and sees all things and is always at work even in the mist of our not being able to understand his plan. God’s hand was clearly at work and an opportunity for 2 females to serve on Summer Staff at a Christian Young Life camp in the U.S. for the month of July came our way. Wow, we were blown away by this opportunity, and we knew that God was moving and hearing our prayers. We are thankful that the Lord is always in control and we are trusting that he knew all along that our mission trip was going to look a lot different than we expected. We know he called us to Brazil and he knew how hard it was going to be, and the way Jesus refined us into women who understand the importance of love in all circumstances whether it is easy or seemingly impossible, is something we will forever embrace. Love cannot exist apart from God because he created it and it encompasses everything he is. In the mist of not being able to serve as much as we had hoped God spoke to our hearts the importance of taking love and combining it with service as a lifestyle and not 2 qualities that characterize just a 2 month mission trip. God sent us through the fire to be refined for the last month during our time in Brazil and now he has called us out, and redirected our trip our mission trip back to the United States. We are back in Colorado and continuing the second month of our mission trip, hopefully at Young Life’s Southwind camp in Ocklawaha Florida as full time servants! Young Life is a ministry that seeks to meet kids wherever they are in life, build lasting relationships with them and introduce them to Jesus. Throughout the school year weekly gathers titled “club” are hosted in kid’s houses throughout the entire United States. Young Life leaders venture into middle schools, high schools, and colleges in an attempt to meet others and invite them to these weekly gathers. A typical “club” is a couple hours filled with skits, games, singing, and a message about Jesus at the end. Both of us have been involved in Young Life throughout high school and now in college. This is a solid ministry that has summer camps all over the United States as well as abroad. Young Life leaders build relationships with the kids that come to “club” throughout the school year and then invite the students to come to camp. Camp is a weeklong and jam-packed with fun activities that include things from water sports, to climbing walls, ropes courses, swimming, watching skits, singing, dancing, playing sports, and hanging out with other kids from all over the U.S. Throughout the week talks are giving on who Jesus is, what he did for us on the cross, how he loves us, and how he desires to be our salvation and embark on a relationship with us. Many people are needed to run these activity-packed camps and Summer Staff is the title of those who volunteer to help run the camp. We are thrilled at the opportunity and ready to take are reshaped hearts to serve with eyes still fixed on Jesus in a place that is desperate for volunteers. We are currently in the application process and ask for prayers that we could finish promptly and be accepted into this month long program.
We will continue to update our blog as we have not come back from our mission trip yet but are just being redirected as to where we will be serving for the remainder of it. Thank you again for your support, prayers and love for us. We are discovering that God works outside of our plans and we are learning to be flexible with change and sensitive to his guiding spirit. He is good, faithful, and incredibly mysterious, and always purposeful. If you desire to hear more we are more than willing to share our experiences further in depth. We love you all!
All for His glory,
Jessi and Kelli – TEAM KJ
Friday, June 19, 2009
Raw as the meat in the market that made Jessi want to become a vegetarian
Hello Everyone!
We apologize for not writing sooner. First of all, thank you so much for your faithful prayers. Kelli is not sick anymore! Gloria Deus! (Praise God). She finally started to feel better after a short 18-hour nap and a few days in bed. Let me tell you, being sick in Brasil is not ideal, but God is good, and I, Kelli, am feeling great J Jessi and I laugh as we proudly say that we have experienced the full meaning of “culture shock.” From sweating to digestion and the most difficult of all, pace. The slow pace has absolutely thrown us for a loop. The first week and a half we were so excited to be here that we kind of disregarded slow pace when we found it. However, we went straight into the countryside when we first got here so we did not get hit with the Brazilian pace right off the bat. When things started to slow down though, we started to question, as we said in other postings, what our purpose really was. After going from full time students/ working young ladies to the ability to sleep in and not have to cook, we were questioning if this was really what the “missionary” lifestyle looked like. This has not gotten easier for us. God has provided wonderful opportunities here and there to serve in ways that are heart changing, both to the people we are serving and us. Each time we have been able to go to the orphanage, we have felt like we are really doing what we said we were going to do, serve with everything we had in us. When we go there, we go go go until the final point that we either have to eat, go to the bathroom or leave. Giving ourselves like that is what we have wanted to do from the get go. If this summer was a song, we dedicated it to the beautiful life goal of service when we made the decision to come down. In our questioning if we were doing things right and if there was more we could be doing, we decided to talk to Marconi. After getting everything we could out, he said that the gift that we brought, the $9,000 that was raised/ donated for this ministry, was more than enough. He followed that with that if we spent the next 2 months on the beach, we would still have accomplished so much. Jessi and I were grateful that the $9,000 had made such a strong impact, but we were not quite satisfied with the thought of not putting our more than willing hearts and bodies to work. Please be praying that we could serve with everything we have. We are willing to go anywhere, do anything and love anyone in the name of Jesus Christ. He has really done a work in us since we have been down here.
Jessi and I discussed the image of a prisoner being stripped down and sprayed off and decided that that is the most accurate picture of us, thanks Paul and Philippians. All of our comforts have been taken and we are now just kind of sitting in a wet puddle, naked as a jay bird, discussing the important things in life with the One who created life itself. In extremely different ways, we feel like God has really pressed upon us the important of love and serving as an act of love. It is like starting all over, but it is the most beautiful recreation the world has ever known. We have both always strived to love well and serve as much as we could, but our hearts have changed to the point that recognition of loving any particular thing is recognition of the presence of our God, as “He is love.” (1 John 4:8). And with that said, we have been pushed to recreate not only our hearts but what it is that we know to fill our hearts, which is love itself. God has redefined the meaning of love in our hearts. Each visit to the orphanage has taught us something different about joy, about being unconditional, about faith in God when things don’t always look superb, (but that is a topic of its own.) And the one trait of love that has really clicked, is service. In a discussion between the two of us gals the other day, we commented on the fact that we have always wanted to want to serve, and now, we want to serve. It continues to amaze me that God teaches and re-teaches lessons that are so seemingly simple, but each time they are taught or revealed, the meaning is more profound…
We have found ourselves to be two girls, something close to woman, that are lost and uncomfortable and confused, but have a LOVE with new meaning for Jesus Christ, a yearning to serve to support this love and zeal to chase after Him more with each step of life. We are very confused in why service would hide from its seekers, but more thankful that God has chosen to do this work in our hearts. No matter what, we are learning to be seeking genuinely 1000000%. God is good to take care of His beloved, to concentrate on character and not always comfort. We are excited as we feel step one, learning, of this trip has taken place. We now hope to take all that has been jammed into our heads and push it forth into a life FILLED with loving God, loving people, and as we have re-acknowledged the meaning behind love, redefine service in our lives. As far as prayer requests, we ask that you would pray for:
-All the kids at the orphanage to know God and live a life filled with His love.
-All the girls at the “Apple of God’s Eye” orphanage to know God and have their lives turned around
-Jessi and I to live lives of love and service, and with that, have opportunities to serve with all we have
-Safe travels wherever the Lord takes us, as Brazil and surrounding areas do not have a commissioner quite like my father to take care of the road issues J
-To be vessels of Christ’s love and power and walking proof of grace in living color
-Safety and protection from people near and far and against spiritual warfare
Thank you all so much. We love you and are so very appreciative of you. May God minister to your hearts wherever this update finds you and continue to teach you about love with the same intensity that we have been rocked with.
Love with new meaning,
Kelli and Jessi
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sleepover at the orphange!
-TEAM KJ
Friday, June 5, 2009
fé.. faith in Portuguese
Hello everyone! I wanted to briefly update you in this half hour of down time. Jessi and I have been all over this week from prayer nights to pastor meetings. On Tuesday we got to go to the orphanage that Woodland Park Community has worked with in the past. Brazil continues to be beautiful and we continue to beg our brains to soak up more of the language. We have found ourselves confused however, in the midst of the beauty of this place and the crazy amounts we are learning about this culture, as to what exactly our purpose is here. Last year we prepared for months and months with a team of 20 to come down here and build a church. We had 2 packed weeks of service, community and culture shock. This summer has been quite different from our last experience. We did not come with the goal of constructing a building, but rather laying down all that we had to serve, love and do whatever was needed of us. Without overstuffed days, filled with moving bricks and sweeping concrete, we are forced to look deeper and question how we are being used, and how we can be used. This has been difficult for us, the adjustment from a 20 person team and 4 leaders, to 2 best friends and a Brazilian family. In the middle of “kid bonding” trips to the mall, our hearts are screaming to serve. We trust that God is bigger than our not understanding, though. Each time one of us is frustrated or discouraged, the other doesn’t miss a beat in reassuring that we were called here, and regardless of if we “feel” anything or understand the way we are being used, we are. Last night in our debrief, we discussed how when little kids see fishes in a glass tank they tap on the glass until the fish move. We compared this to our situation. If God was the tank of water, or more realistically, the ocean, we have zeroed in on just one aspect of our Father and are tapping the glass in hopes that we will be able to see Him move. We are standing by each other as He is refining our hearts, watching as finger by finger, we are forced to let go of time and control and knowing it all. We ask that you would pray for a few things:
- Jess is not feeling well, nothing serious but her throat is soar and she is fighting lack of energy.
- That we would go let and let God. We want to serve and if it looks like dancing and singing and sharing our stories, then wonderful, if not, all the better. God is made strong in our weakness.
- That our bodies could adjust to the Brazilian heat, food, humidity and sleeping schedule.
- That our minds would be open and quick to Portuguese.
- That God would guide me (Kelli) and reveal where I am supposed to be this fall.
Regardless of what we expected or how different reality has come to be, God is so good. We are thankful that he has chosen to refine our hearts and have hope in coming wisdom and strength. In a few hours, we will be taking off to spend the night at the orphanage with the kiddies and we are SO exited. When we visited earlier this week, we felt like we were exactly where we needed to be, holding babies and loving orphan children. We can’t wait to be back there with them, to love them with all we have.
Thank you so much for your faithfulness to prayer. We have found it to be the most powerful form of loving and direct way of making a difference. Praise God for His profound lessons of simple truth.